Silent Lucidity
by WhiteOphelia
Summary: "And while my body slides down into oblivion and my mind becomes clouded due to the lack of oxygen, the only thing I think is that life is always too short for those who love without measure." Draco/Hermione


**This is a translation of one of my work - the original one is in italian and it is posted on my profile on the website Efpfanfic.**  
**Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes - as you all know, english is not my mother-tongue.**

**Thank you all and... Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or its characters - just having some fun with them. I do, however, own the plot.  
No copyright infringement intended.**_

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"_Hush now, don't you cry  
__Wipe away the teardrop from your eye  
__You're lying safe in bed  
__It was all a bad dream  
__Spinning in your head  
__Your mind tricked you to feel the pain  
__Of someone close to you leaving the game of life  
__So here it is, another chance  
__Wide awake you face the day_

_Your dream is over… or has it just begun?"_

Silent Lucidity – Queensrÿche

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I look at the dark banks of the Thames.

These dense and cold waters have always had an immense power over me.

They were able to calm me down, while the cool wind ruffled my hair.

They could make me smile, while a child looked in awe at the sun mirroring in them.

They were able to show me the beauty of the world around me, the night when the moon was reflected placid in them and the lights lit up a city of water.

_Whoever would have thought that water would have seen my last breath?_

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The tears obscure the view of the London's most famous clock reflection that – imposing – towered over the dark waters and gets lost in it.

The bridge is deserted, no man cut through the way in this cold November night.

Climbing over the stone construction is simple: the beauty didn't help the functionality and security that - in order to preserve the art - has made this bridge a springboard into the icy waters in which it is reflected.

Standing on the regular moulding, I watch the gentle waves that move the reflection of a sleeping city, my city – ours.

Remember?

We had to come and live here, together.

You changed your mind about the muggles that day. I still remember it, you know?

We were right here, we walked hand in hand while the spring rays of sunshine were stroking our face.

That body of water that now I look from up here, the beauty reflected in it and the smile of the little girl who hit you by accident - barely reaching your knees - who, then, turned around to apologize and, looking at your face, said you were an angel and you had to return to heaven among the good ones to watch over the children like Linda - her friend - who was obliged to stay in the hospital for a serious illness.

She said. with that little childish and delicious voice and plump hands on the hips, in an adult mom pose that you had to run or, otherwise, Linda would have suffered so much and, then, she gave you a kiss, just when you got lower to caress her cheek.

_An angel..._

People say that children are the only ones able to see the soul of a person.

That girl obviously did not know the meaning of good and evil yet.

She got confused.

Yes, because no angel would have done what you did.

No angel would pretend to love a person just to hurt and humiliate her.

No angel would have broken a woman's heart and soul.

No angel would have used and thrown me with bad words, like you did.

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We were in my apartment that cursed night, four months ago.

The N.E.W.T. successfully overcame, the desire to live flew in our veins and love made us – made me – blind.

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_«It is useless for you to get ready, Mudblood.»_

_That name, that cold tone I hadn't heard for months._

_I was trying to raise the zip of my green dress _–_ taken for dinner, the dinner where you would have presented me as your girlfriend to your family _–_ giving you the shoulders, when those words reached me._

_I froze, as if petrified._

_I turned slowly, ready to read the laugh on your face._

_But of laughter, on that angel face, there was not even a shadow..._

_«I do not understand, Draco. The dinner got canceled?» I asked confused._

_You grinned._

_It was not a smile or a mischievous grin as the ones you set aside between the sheets._

_It was a treacherous and malicious grin._

_You brought theatrically your index finger to your chin, then replied to me: «Oh yes, Mudblood. It was canceled... for you.» you finished contemptuously, steely eyes and face a cruel grimace._

_I felt my head spinning._

_What was going on?_

_«Draco, what are you saying? And why do you keep calling me_–_» I did not finish._

_You stepped forward, hands in your pockets and the colder and detached expression that I ever seen in your face._

_«Mudblood, you say? _– _You played with your wand, as if what you were going to say was an obvious observation _–_ Well, because that's what you are. A filthy Muggle not worthy to carry the wand.» cruel you said, a grimace of disgust on your face._

_Then, you continued._

_It was the beginning of the end._

_Of our end, my end._

_Cruel words pierced me like daggers._

_«Did you really think I loved you? You?» you emphasized the last words with contempt, as if it were impossible for you to love me, and then you began to laugh badly._

_Yet you told me, the first time we made love. You said you loved me._

_You continued unabated, while my heart was torn._

_«Salazar, these were the best months of my life, you know? I had you in my bed, the Mudblood friend of Potter. I made you scream my name, begging my body... And what satisfaction you have been!» you laughed cruel and my head spun faster._

_«You lost Potter and Weasley. You spent the last months of Hogwarts without your friends, abandoned by those who you believed were trusted people. Do you realize what kind of gift you gave me? _–_ you continued to laugh, while the wand turned slowly through your fingers _–_ Seven years. Seven years of hatred and humiliation to get to this moment: the moment when I'll cut you.»_

_I could not believe what I was hearing._

_I thought I was dreaming, cursing those nightmares that visited me when I was little, but it was all real._

The nightmare had just begun.

_You saw everything, my emotions, my pain and you enjoyed it._

_I was torn in pieces, without a shred of air into the lungs._

_My hand clutching the fabric of the dress at my heart, as to protect me._

_But there were no protections to those daggers steeped in poison that you threw against me._

The cruel smile that you gave me that day will be my eternal torment.

_Your nasty laugh echoed in the apartment._

_I fell to the ground on my knees._

_«Merlin, how silly you've been. I took everything – everything – from you. I used and broke you and now I'll leave you here, in pieces, on the ground beneath my feet. Because, my dear Mudblood, that is precisely the place you compete: to my feet, like the scum you are.» you finished looking contemptuously from above, while your steps took you then at the door, a door that you would not ever crossed once more._

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I don't remember how long I remained in that position, on the ground, destroyed.

Minutes? Hours? Perhaps, days.

Maybe I'm still there...

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Four months have passed since that night and you got married.

_Married._

To Astoria Greengrass, a little over a month ago.

You married the Pureblood picked up for you by your father, the woman with the perfect blood.

You married the blonde and beautiful Astoria, the sweet and polite Astoria.

You celebrated sumptuously in the garden of thy Manor, kissed by the sun of the end of September.

The photos have appeared in every newspaper in the Wizarding World.

Impeccable in your black suit, kissing a delicate porcelain doll with beautiful features.

Your smiles were for her, your hand on hers.

You got married on the day of my birthday, Draco.

The day of my birthday...

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_What's the point of living if you're not with me?_

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And now, as I think back to our times spent together, I cannot help but thinking how stupid I've been.

I loved you like you love only once in your life, madly and totally.

I loved you as only kids can do, with passion and madness.

I loved you as only the elderly can do, with care and dedication.

I loved you as only a woman can love: forever.

And while the icy wind is lashing my hair and my body walks to the dark water, the only word that my breath is still whispering is your name.

_Draco..._

And while my body slides down into oblivion and my mind becomes clouded due to the lack of oxygen, the only thing I think is that life is always too short for those who love without measure.

"_These violent delights have violent ends  
__And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
__Which as they kiss consume.  
__Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;"*_

And now that it's all over, I know I have too many regrets that will never turn into memories.

I will never know, Draco, the tears that you poured that night in June.

I will never know the pain that you brought into that September 19, when you were getting married to a woman you didn't love, a woman who wasn't me.

I will never know the tears that you restrained the wedding night, while caressing a body that you didn't want.

I will never know that your father blackmailed you.

I will never know that you left me to protect me.

I will never know the mad rush that you made that second day of November, when my body got found lifeless in the cold waters of the Thames.

I will never know the dull ache that you felt in the chest when you saw my body on the shore, when you noticed that in my hands was clutched your pendant, the one you gave me for our first month together.

That "_I am yours, now and forever_" engraved in the cold metal that my hands, even during my last breath, didn't want to leave.

I'll never know that, that same night, a green light left in my apartment from your wand.

I'll never know that, the next day, in my bed was found a lifeless body – _your body_.

I will never know that, in your left hand, it was found a photo – a photo of me – and that the last words that your lips pronounced were my name and a prayer.

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I'll never know, Draco, that you really loved me, more than your own life.

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_"Forgive me, Hermione..."_

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*William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet - Friar Laurence, Act II, Scene VI


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